Saturday, 16 August 2014


Hello there,

The word 'anxiety' makes me anxious. It's a word and feeling I used to fear.

6 years ago I was diagnosed with 'Anxiety and panic disorder', at this time I was around 12 years old. It all started when I would feel ill in a lesson, I would escape by asking to go to the 'medical room', a place where people went when they were feeling ill. At first I would do this every month, possibly less, but as it got more frequent teachers became irritated, as I had no physical signs of illness. Once I felt so anxious (I didn't know that it was anxiety at the time), that I wanted them to call my mum, as they refused my panic state became greater and I began to cry. It was time to get things sorted.
I left this school a couple of months later, it was a private school and very pressurised, something I could not deal with at the time. I was out of school for a little while before trying our local high school, by then however it was too late. I struggled getting into school everyday, anxiety bound me and I was fearing anything and everything outside my front door, and sometimes even room. I would have tutors to teach me in my house eventually, something I could just about cope with, they were specialists in dealing with sick children. For someone to leave mainstream education this early meant I lost a lot of friends, it was an extremely lonely time for me, and when I needed friends and care the most, it wasn't there from my peers. I felt weird and not normal, like I was an alien and that everyone viewed me like one.

My Mum was my biggest supporter, my Dad however did not understand. He was/is very pro-education, and he thought I was throwing my life away and being lazy. For 18 months I was out of mainstream education, and life, I would sleep in my mum and dads room on a put-you-up bed as I was so fearful of the dark. Step by step, with the help of professionals and my mum I got mentally stronger and less fearful, I eventually, independently took steps and asked to re-join mainstream education, I was getting better. Nothing can help anxiety, but you, I am a great believer in the fact that time heals all.

I was then 14/15 and joined a small high school, just what I could cope with. It was a massive step for me to take, and I was no longer fearful of people or outside my front door. This did not mean I didn't struggle everyday to get there, because I did, but I was gradually getting better, step by step, in my own time.

The time in which my anxiety was the worst was a very dark time for me, and i urge you, if you know anyone with anxiety, or you think they have anxiety support them, care for them. They may try and push you away, like I did with so many people but just be persistent, send them a text now and again, pop round and do things they can do at home. Ultimately just be there for them. I am now 18 years old, I have conquered anxiety, I still probably get a little more anxious then the average person, but I joined a college, completed A-levels and in September go to University. I didn't think anxiety would go away, but it did.

That's my story (briefly), what's yours?


1 - Breathe through your mouth, slowly and close your eyes. - If i ever feel a little panicky, like I sometimes still do, this ALWAYS helps me through. So simple, yet so effective.
*I was once in a club and felt very sick, I knew it was me panicking, so I just sat down for a few minutes and was fine to dance the night away afterwards*

2 - Try not to over think things, one of my favourite quotes is : “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” , basically worrying will never change anything, it just takes away our happiness at that moment!

3 - Tell someone. Admittedly only one of my close friends knows I suffered from anxiety, I think because I rarely get panic attacks I don't feel the need to tell everyone, but if you do it's always such a help and reassurance to have someone there who knows what's going on, and doesn't think you're just being dramatic! - Although let them know not to smother you with attention, I always wanted my space when I was having a panic attack.

4 -  They only last for maximum 20 minutes. Some people, myself included, think they might be dying whilst having a panic attack, you just have to remind yourself that it will all be over soon, and again breathe. I would get really hot and shaky, everything would spin and I would feel like i was passing out. You won't die or pass out, you will be fine.

Saturday, 31 August 2013


Good afternoon...

A couple of weeks ago my friend "chummy", her mamma and my mamma all decided it was time for a break, and so we booked a 'mini break'...not just any break however...a SPA BREAK (the best kind of breaks). We went to a Spa called "MacDonald portal hotel Golf & Spa"in Chester. It was very charming, especially the rooms (scroll down for pictures). It wasn't the 'nicest looking' spa, i'd very much like to visit a Spa with a huuuge fire and ivy creeping up the walls outside...but this spa will do for now.

A little country pub we visited

Let the Spa timez roll...

What better way to relax than a pot of tea, friends, spa robes and slippers...

I'm a little tea pot

Cream tea...mmmmm

The relaxation room, after treatments.

This was just after our treatment (facial) - which was very lovely indeed.

We then went for a pre-dinner swim (how healthy of us!)

Our room...

My favourite part was the tartan/country bedding/cushions/curtains

ooooooo close up 

Dinner time!

Champagne time...of course?

Cheers m'dear!!!

Chummy's lovely mamma!

Breakfast time!

After breakfast we visited the little village that surrounded the Spa called 'Tarporley' 

squeee my dream car

"That's it, i'm off!"

"Come on Chummy!"
I love these 'quaint' little gifts and decor...i wanted everything!

I loved the little village, it had many charming features old and new.

The cafe we had a little bite to eat in for Lunch

I love the colour combination of this door!

Lunch stop..

& a final picture summing up our break...full of laughter *cringe*

What a lovely weekend! 

Thanks for reading.

 Han - - x